http://www.eyeweekly.com/article/55882
i took this from the comment section of my favorite blog. jyllandliz.blogspot.com
Friday, December 11, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
I'm sorry to say, this is a dear diary entry....
nope. you will NOT get my hopes up again.
nope. I will NOT expect anything different from you.
nope. your sugar words will not tempt my sweet tooth.
I will NOT read too much into your kind words and promises....
you might have gotten some of my hopes up though.
I'm pathetic!
I HATE that I'm writing on this subject of YOU!... stupid.
I HATE that I STILL allow you to have any sort of effect on my emotion
I HATE that I am typing this in such a mindset! i hate typing when i'm feeling such strong emotions... that's what journals are for! but I was sitting at my computer when this came over me so why not? It therapeutic to write what sturs your emotions! but that's what a journal is for. this is for diary's.... ones that you hid under your pillow with a secret code so that no one will ever know that it ever had any effect on you. ihateyouihateyouihateyouihateyou.
i like to write when i am calm and collected.
When I am feeling extream emotions I dont look at every angle of things, I'll write passionately and completely bias. and i dont like that. i like LOOKING for different perspectives, I like being my own devils advocate. I also hate the form I use when i'm "feeling strongly." It's obnoxios how many times I'll repeat a word or statement. I run all overthe place not making good points or using complete thoughts. ramble. stray off topic.
BAH HUMBUG!
nope. I will NOT expect anything different from you.
nope. your sugar words will not tempt my sweet tooth.
I will NOT read too much into your kind words and promises....
you might have gotten some of my hopes up though.
I'm pathetic!
I HATE that I'm writing on this subject of YOU!... stupid.
I HATE that I STILL allow you to have any sort of effect on my emotion
I HATE that I am typing this in such a mindset! i hate typing when i'm feeling such strong emotions... that's what journals are for! but I was sitting at my computer when this came over me so why not? It therapeutic to write what sturs your emotions! but that's what a journal is for. this is for diary's.... ones that you hid under your pillow with a secret code so that no one will ever know that it ever had any effect on you. ihateyouihateyouihateyouihateyou.
i like to write when i am calm and collected.
When I am feeling extream emotions I dont look at every angle of things, I'll write passionately and completely bias. and i dont like that. i like LOOKING for different perspectives, I like being my own devils advocate. I also hate the form I use when i'm "feeling strongly." It's obnoxios how many times I'll repeat a word or statement. I run all overthe place not making good points or using complete thoughts. ramble. stray off topic.
BAH HUMBUG!
Monday, December 7, 2009
update.
It was very tempting to go back and delete some of those older posts....
very embarrassed, but I supposed I am what I am today, because of the choices I made yesterday...
and why hide that...
right... moving forward.
and I suppose upon moving forward, you should always glance back, so as not to repeat the same mistakes.
A year ago this time, I was not in a good place. I had decided to stay in NYC after my first plan of being here for "just a summer" expanded into, "making it work" a bit longer. Well, making it work turned into a bad situation and I was convinced I was moving back home... but again, somehow, this city called me back... and here I am, in Brooklyn, Working at a cafe in the lower lower east side of Manhattan.
Maybe I should go about this a different way, maybe instead of trying to look at how far i've come in the past year (i've come a very long way, you see, it'll take forever.)
maybe instead I'll just go over topics of interest.
alright, the ever-so-popular subject of love:
I don't know what love is, if it is what everyone describes it as, I give it away so freely to as many people as I can.... but it seems lately that I'm either becoming more particular of who I give it to, or I'm running out of it.
a subtopic: infatuations/chrushes/lusts/boys in general :
my most exciting subject lives on the other side of this country and 1) is just a friend and 2) if he were to turn to me and confess his undying love I would tell him I'm just not ready for a relationship right now. (at least I would hope I'd be strong enough to say so)
Work :
like I said earlier, I work in a Cafe in the lower east side. 2 cafe's technically, they're called Flowers Cafe, they have a kind-of hippy theme to them. My job is so many different things to me all the time that it would be hard to explain it from my point of view in a nutshell... everyday there is an adventure. Many of my stories will come from interactions with customers I have there, and even more stories will come from interactions with my boss Bill.
Bill :
yes, my boss gets his own subject line. He is part of my daily life, he is my boss, he is taking care of my cats until after christmas (he has been for quite some time now), and anytime I have any sort of question about anything in NYC - I ask him (seeing as he was born and raised in brooklyn). Bill is much older than me but somehow we have been able to relate to one another and I am so thankful that we have this friendship.
Friends :
making friends in NYC is not an easy task. I suppose it didn't help that the majority of my life here has been spent with my BFFZ Brie. and when brie and I are together, we are a clique. an amazing, funny, sparkely, bitchy, sexy, lush-ful clique. nevertheless i was able to make a few connections here and there that have eventually been built into friendships that I hope will last for a very long time.
Liz :
among these friendships, Liz is one of the few that I know for CERTAIN will last a very long time. Liz is amazing. She is funny (every range of funny too... the perfect mix from sarcastic whit to just plain silly.), She is intellegent (college certified ;), she is intuitive (MAN is she! she can read people like BOOKS and yet, she'll accept your facades so as not to push uncomfortable buttons), and she is ABSOLUTELY gorgeous (She is the kind of beautiful that can only be described as gorgeous, beautiful would be much too plain of a word. from her long fire hair, to her huge intelecuale yet loving eyes, to her ever-improving woman body that is complemented even more so by her style that can only be described as her own... not so different that it's unrelatable, yet original enough not to be steriotypical) anyway, there is much more to be said about Liz so I shall leave it at that and move on to the next topic of interest...
or better yet, we'll call it a current topic
because my topics will change on a daily basis and that is why I am hoping I'll update this more often, so that I can look back on it and see where i've been. not just who I was crushin on at that time or how many drinks I had or.... shit I've begun to stray off topic... uhhh where were we...uooooo right, current topic
Future :
what does the future hold?
very embarrassed, but I supposed I am what I am today, because of the choices I made yesterday...
and why hide that...
right... moving forward.
and I suppose upon moving forward, you should always glance back, so as not to repeat the same mistakes.
A year ago this time, I was not in a good place. I had decided to stay in NYC after my first plan of being here for "just a summer" expanded into, "making it work" a bit longer. Well, making it work turned into a bad situation and I was convinced I was moving back home... but again, somehow, this city called me back... and here I am, in Brooklyn, Working at a cafe in the lower lower east side of Manhattan.
Maybe I should go about this a different way, maybe instead of trying to look at how far i've come in the past year (i've come a very long way, you see, it'll take forever.)
maybe instead I'll just go over topics of interest.
alright, the ever-so-popular subject of love:
I don't know what love is, if it is what everyone describes it as, I give it away so freely to as many people as I can.... but it seems lately that I'm either becoming more particular of who I give it to, or I'm running out of it.
a subtopic: infatuations/chrushes/lusts/boys in general :
my most exciting subject lives on the other side of this country and 1) is just a friend and 2) if he were to turn to me and confess his undying love I would tell him I'm just not ready for a relationship right now. (at least I would hope I'd be strong enough to say so)
Work :
like I said earlier, I work in a Cafe in the lower east side. 2 cafe's technically, they're called Flowers Cafe, they have a kind-of hippy theme to them. My job is so many different things to me all the time that it would be hard to explain it from my point of view in a nutshell... everyday there is an adventure. Many of my stories will come from interactions with customers I have there, and even more stories will come from interactions with my boss Bill.
Bill :
yes, my boss gets his own subject line. He is part of my daily life, he is my boss, he is taking care of my cats until after christmas (he has been for quite some time now), and anytime I have any sort of question about anything in NYC - I ask him (seeing as he was born and raised in brooklyn). Bill is much older than me but somehow we have been able to relate to one another and I am so thankful that we have this friendship.
Friends :
making friends in NYC is not an easy task. I suppose it didn't help that the majority of my life here has been spent with my BFFZ Brie. and when brie and I are together, we are a clique. an amazing, funny, sparkely, bitchy, sexy, lush-ful clique. nevertheless i was able to make a few connections here and there that have eventually been built into friendships that I hope will last for a very long time.
Liz :
among these friendships, Liz is one of the few that I know for CERTAIN will last a very long time. Liz is amazing. She is funny (every range of funny too... the perfect mix from sarcastic whit to just plain silly.), She is intellegent (college certified ;), she is intuitive (MAN is she! she can read people like BOOKS and yet, she'll accept your facades so as not to push uncomfortable buttons), and she is ABSOLUTELY gorgeous (She is the kind of beautiful that can only be described as gorgeous, beautiful would be much too plain of a word. from her long fire hair, to her huge intelecuale yet loving eyes, to her ever-improving woman body that is complemented even more so by her style that can only be described as her own... not so different that it's unrelatable, yet original enough not to be steriotypical) anyway, there is much more to be said about Liz so I shall leave it at that and move on to the next topic of interest...
or better yet, we'll call it a current topic
because my topics will change on a daily basis and that is why I am hoping I'll update this more often, so that I can look back on it and see where i've been. not just who I was crushin on at that time or how many drinks I had or.... shit I've begun to stray off topic... uhhh where were we...uooooo right, current topic
Future :
what does the future hold?
Sunday, March 15, 2009
reading back on some old blogs
it's funny to see how sure i was about somethings... and i was just so wrong.
so very wrong.
...the accidents have not willed.
so very wrong.
...the accidents have not willed.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
pictures say a thousand words.
assume what you think about each picture... but i was pretty subtle with everything so you're probably wrong... just sayin. haha
1. a picture of you in your room
2. a picture with someone you don't actually like.
3. a picture of you very drunk.
4. a picture of you on your birthday, or your favorite holiday.
5. the youngest picture you can find of yourself in digital form.
6. a picture of you in one of your favorite outfits.
7. a picture of you making a goofy face at the camera.
8. a picture you miiiiiight have edited to make yourself more attractive.
9. a picture of a night you regret...
10. a picture of you truly being yourself.
11. the most recent picture of you.
12. a picture of you being absolutely ridiculous.
13. a picture of you showing off a new haircut/color.
14. a picture of a time in your life that's over, but you wish it wasn't.
15. a picture of a time in your life that's over, and you couldn't be more thankful that it is...
16. a picture of you when you were anything but happy....
17. a picture of you when you were nothing but happy.....
18. a picture of you when you were a different person than you are now....
19. a picture of you with someone you love....
20. a picture of how you'd like the world to see you....
21. a picture that describes how you'd like to spend everyday...
(this one calls for a lot of explination haha)
22. a picture of a time when everything was changing...
(it's not only political change... but that's funny)
23. a picture that makes your heart hurt....
24. a picture that makes your heart smile...
25. a picture on one of the best days/nights of your life....
26. a picture from your past....
27. a picture of your present....
28. a picture of your future....
29. a picture you couldnt leave out....
30. a picture of just you...
1. a picture of you in your room
2. a picture with someone you don't actually like.
3. a picture of you very drunk.
4. a picture of you on your birthday, or your favorite holiday.
5. the youngest picture you can find of yourself in digital form.
6. a picture of you in one of your favorite outfits.
7. a picture of you making a goofy face at the camera.
8. a picture you miiiiiight have edited to make yourself more attractive.
9. a picture of a night you regret...
10. a picture of you truly being yourself.
11. the most recent picture of you.
12. a picture of you being absolutely ridiculous.
13. a picture of you showing off a new haircut/color.
14. a picture of a time in your life that's over, but you wish it wasn't.
15. a picture of a time in your life that's over, and you couldn't be more thankful that it is...
16. a picture of you when you were anything but happy....
17. a picture of you when you were nothing but happy.....
18. a picture of you when you were a different person than you are now....
19. a picture of you with someone you love....
20. a picture of how you'd like the world to see you....
21. a picture that describes how you'd like to spend everyday...
(this one calls for a lot of explination haha)
22. a picture of a time when everything was changing...
(it's not only political change... but that's funny)
23. a picture that makes your heart hurt....
24. a picture that makes your heart smile...
25. a picture on one of the best days/nights of your life....
26. a picture from your past....
27. a picture of your present....
28. a picture of your future....
29. a picture you couldnt leave out....
30. a picture of just you...
Monday, February 2, 2009
dear diary.
his name is brandon.
i think he's interested too.
but every other brandon i've ever known is nuts hahaha.
i think he's interested too.
but every other brandon i've ever known is nuts hahaha.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
and there's nothing you can do about it
life is treating me strangely. i keep wanting to work harder, do more, and pretty much work myself to the bone. i demand too much out of myself and therefore am disappointed when life doesn't hand me the opportunity to do so.
but i love it all. life has been a crazy experience and i'm excited to see where i go this next year.
I've been learning a lot living in NY and i'm becoming more and more independent i love it.
i've also recently rediscovered that i enjoy being myself.
:)
but i love it all. life has been a crazy experience and i'm excited to see where i go this next year.
I've been learning a lot living in NY and i'm becoming more and more independent i love it.
i've also recently rediscovered that i enjoy being myself.
:)
Monday, January 19, 2009
I'm feeling sick to my stomache
people never stop shocking me with how egotistical they can be.
you're giving bad advice right now.
all you're doing is being a jerk.
and because you're talking to someone easily intimidated by your degrading talk... they're stupid enough to listen.
I'm offended at your lies and your all-knowing/intellectual facade.
open your eyes. you're at the bottom of the ladder.
learn some humility, that might help your life turn around a bit.
you learn more from listening then you do from talking.
on the verge of puking here.
that's how you make me feel.
yuck. you are awful.
you're giving bad advice right now.
all you're doing is being a jerk.
and because you're talking to someone easily intimidated by your degrading talk... they're stupid enough to listen.
I'm offended at your lies and your all-knowing/intellectual facade.
open your eyes. you're at the bottom of the ladder.
learn some humility, that might help your life turn around a bit.
you learn more from listening then you do from talking.
on the verge of puking here.
that's how you make me feel.
yuck. you are awful.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
and the hypocracy continues.
ok... so there are many other things that have been on my mind that i wanted to blog about...
but in this moment there is one thing i want to get off my chest...
i don't care about expensive toys, i don't care about fame, i don't care about excessive amounts of money!
lets talk about life.
lets talk about aspirations... REAL aspirations...
unless if superficial things is all you people care about.
does everyone on this planet just want fame and fortune?
(... and does everyone think that that's all i care about?
it seems like that's the only thing i hear about these days...
i must be talking about it too much.
i must seem like i care about that shit a lot.)
yeah, you got wasted, yeah, you had sex, yeah you're a crazy partier.
now what else is going on in your life?
what do you believe in?
what do you fear?
what do you love?
what inspires you to wake up in the morning?
what art do you do?
i know i was only in town for a month, and didn't get to see a lot of you for very long...
but i feel like the only things i learned about each and every one of you is that you all still hate the 916
and you're all still there...
but you never told me WHY you hated it
or what you were doing to get OUT of there
all you told me is what you do in the meantime to deal with it... until your "big break" comes along.
i've got news... life is what you make it.
you don't like it get the fuck out.
you don't REALLY want to leave... CHANGE it.
damn.
ps... there were a few exceptions to this rant... and you know who you are. thanks for the good times. :)
but in this moment there is one thing i want to get off my chest...
i don't care about expensive toys, i don't care about fame, i don't care about excessive amounts of money!
lets talk about life.
lets talk about aspirations... REAL aspirations...
unless if superficial things is all you people care about.
does everyone on this planet just want fame and fortune?
(... and does everyone think that that's all i care about?
it seems like that's the only thing i hear about these days...
i must be talking about it too much.
i must seem like i care about that shit a lot.)
yeah, you got wasted, yeah, you had sex, yeah you're a crazy partier.
now what else is going on in your life?
what do you believe in?
what do you fear?
what do you love?
what inspires you to wake up in the morning?
what art do you do?
i know i was only in town for a month, and didn't get to see a lot of you for very long...
but i feel like the only things i learned about each and every one of you is that you all still hate the 916
and you're all still there...
but you never told me WHY you hated it
or what you were doing to get OUT of there
all you told me is what you do in the meantime to deal with it... until your "big break" comes along.
i've got news... life is what you make it.
you don't like it get the fuck out.
you don't REALLY want to leave... CHANGE it.
damn.
ps... there were a few exceptions to this rant... and you know who you are. thanks for the good times. :)
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