void of all motivation

I'm done.

Lost.

Completely confused.

all that I was once passionate about... doesn't matter.
I can't see purpose in the bigger picture.

I'm striving twards nothing...
I'm losing all hope that if I just keep going... just keep trucking... SOMETHING will happen.

nothing is happening though... that's the problem.
nothing so terrible that I'm struggling with
but also nothing amazing and exciting.
nothing.

I've always lived to serve. Serve God anyway possible...
but... what if my methods arent working?
what if i'm effecting people the wrong way...

i honestly don't care...

i'm done.

I don't understand. i don't care to make new friends.
i don't care to fix/continue old relationships
i don't care to succeed in school.
i don't care to work.

i'm just getting by with what I've got...
and i hate that...

i hate it... but i don't care. ?

i've got the world at my fingertips. i can do whatever the fuck i want to.
but i don't WANT anything.
I don't care enough about anything to fight for it...

God... where'm i supposed to go from here....
i could go anywhere.... but i don't want to go anywhere... i sure as hell don't want to stay HERE though....

I had SO much excitment for this year.... for some odd reason i just felt EXCITED. like... i was STOKED to see what was going to happen...
but nothing....
i got all worked up, only to be dissapointed...

Now i'm living through other peoples lives... i sat by meself for a while tonight and thought about nothing... my mind was completely free of thought...
well, i'd think about things... but they were other peoples "drama"
and i wanted "me" time... so anytime i thought about something that didn't necessarily directly relate to me... i'd stop thinking abou it... and eventually i just stopped thinking...

untill i came up with the thoughts on this blog...
wich is a whole lot of nothing....





I hate it... but i don't care. ?