Not too important

but sometimes when i see people walking down the street...
and they're obviously not in shape...
i wonder what they're doing... and what happened to them just now that is forcing them to walk.

hahaha. really though.


anyway. alot of my friends are having a really hard time in their lives right now.
and my life isn't exactly easy... but it could be worse.
i wanna run away.

and i'm inspired by a friend i know to just run away for a little while, not let anyone know where exactly i'm going and why... and cut myself off from communication.
not for very long.
maybe just for a day.
just... clear my thoughts.


but i don't know how good it'll work... seeing as all these problems will still be there when i return... or maybe they'll be solved, and new ones will have formed.

hmmm now i'm just rambling about nothing.

so, on a different note, I started making Christmas lists for the people i'm gunna give gifts to... this may be harder than i thought... any ideas?

My Ringtone

my ringtone inspired these thoughts.

I wonder.
I sometimes wonder...

I often wonder,
what would life be like? what would I be like?

what if...

what if my dad had never done that.

would my parents still be happily married?
Would my dad teach me things like how to fix up cars?
would my mom be happy and never lonely?
would my brother not have had such a hard time making friends in HighSchool?
would i have more inspiration to do amazing pieces of art that my father helps me with?

would we still be living in this house? or would we be worse off?
would i have these same asperations? would i have any at all?
would i have and hold these same morals?

would i have met all the people i know and love?

i think i'd be more trusting of people. He was my superman... but i guess superman has kryptonite. fuck.
The scar tissue that i wish you saw... i wish you could see. i wish wasn't there.

i understand that whatever has come from my parents sepparation is for the best...
but sometimes it's hard to understand.

very hard.

ouch.

Dad. FUCK you for this. I will never be the same, I will always be wierd inside... I will always be lame.

Mom. FUCK you for convincing me he doesn't love me then confuse me by telling me i should care.

God. help.

8 years later... it still hurts.

bad.