pictures say a thousand words.

assume what you think about each picture... but i was pretty subtle with everything so you're probably wrong... just sayin. haha

1. a picture of you in your room


2. a picture with someone you don't actually like.


3. a picture of you very drunk.

4. a picture of you on your birthday, or your favorite holiday.


5. the youngest picture you can find of yourself in digital form.


6. a picture of you in one of your favorite outfits.


7. a picture of you making a goofy face at the camera.


8. a picture you miiiiiight have edited to make yourself more attractive.


9. a picture of a night you regret...


10. a picture of you truly being yourself.


11. the most recent picture of you.


12. a picture of you being absolutely ridiculous.


13. a picture of you showing off a new haircut/color.


14. a picture of a time in your life that's over, but you wish it wasn't.


15. a picture of a time in your life that's over, and you couldn't be more thankful that it is...


16. a picture of you when you were anything but happy....


17. a picture of you when you were nothing but happy.....


18. a picture of you when you were a different person than you are now....


19. a picture of you with someone you love....


20. a picture of how you'd like the world to see you....


21. a picture that describes how you'd like to spend everyday...

(this one calls for a lot of explination haha)

22. a picture of a time when everything was changing...

(it's not only political change... but that's funny)

23. a picture that makes your heart hurt....


24. a picture that makes your heart smile...


25. a picture on one of the best days/nights of your life....


26. a picture from your past....


27. a picture of your present....



28. a picture of your future....


29. a picture you couldnt leave out....


30. a picture of just you...

dear diary.

his name is brandon.
i think he's interested too.

but every other brandon i've ever known is nuts hahaha.

and there's nothing you can do about it

life is treating me strangely. i keep wanting to work harder, do more, and pretty much work myself to the bone. i demand too much out of myself and therefore am disappointed when life doesn't hand me the opportunity to do so.
but i love it all. life has been a crazy experience and i'm excited to see where i go this next year.
I've been learning a lot living in NY and i'm becoming more and more independent i love it.
i've also recently rediscovered that i enjoy being myself.

:)

I'm feeling sick to my stomache

people never stop shocking me with how egotistical they can be.

you're giving bad advice right now.

all you're doing is being a jerk.

and because you're talking to someone easily intimidated by your degrading talk... they're stupid enough to listen.


I'm offended at your lies and your all-knowing/intellectual facade.

open your eyes. you're at the bottom of the ladder.
learn some humility, that might help your life turn around a bit.
you learn more from listening then you do from talking.








on the verge of puking here.
that's how you make me feel.
yuck. you are awful.

and the hypocracy continues.

ok... so there are many other things that have been on my mind that i wanted to blog about...

but in this moment there is one thing i want to get off my chest...

i don't care about expensive toys, i don't care about fame, i don't care about excessive amounts of money!
lets talk about life.
lets talk about aspirations... REAL aspirations...
unless if superficial things is all you people care about.

does everyone on this planet just want fame and fortune?
(... and does everyone think that that's all i care about?
it seems like that's the only thing i hear about these days...
i must be talking about it too much.
i must seem like i care about that shit a lot.)


yeah, you got wasted, yeah, you had sex, yeah you're a crazy partier.
now what else is going on in your life?
what do you believe in?
what do you fear?
what do you love?
what inspires you to wake up in the morning?
what art do you do?

i know i was only in town for a month, and didn't get to see a lot of you for very long...
but i feel like the only things i learned about each and every one of you is that you all still hate the 916
and you're all still there...
but you never told me WHY you hated it
or what you were doing to get OUT of there
all you told me is what you do in the meantime to deal with it... until your "big break" comes along.

i've got news... life is what you make it.
you don't like it get the fuck out.
you don't REALLY want to leave... CHANGE it.
damn.

ps... there were a few exceptions to this rant... and you know who you are. thanks for the good times. :)

this economy ...

is fucked.

I never thought I'd have to move back home to help my mother get by.
she doesn't expect me to.
no one does really.
I'm too young, I shouldn't have to do this, it's not MY job to provide for my family.

if I won't help her.... who will?
I'm not about to abandon my mom.
not about to watch her have to struggle through this alone.
I've grown up a lot since i've moved to the city. i have so much unfinished business to do and so much MORE i can learn from this place. but i'll just have to come back later.
now is not the time.

everything happens for a reason.



I'm going to miss it here.
move number 5 in 2008.
move number 6 in entire LIFE. hahahah

stay golden...

to put it bluntly....
i slept with my high school crush.
took his V card.

now that he's gone... i still don't know who was affected by this more.

on the one hand, it seemed meaningless and just something fun that we as friends (who just so happen to be attracted to one another) would do.
but on the other hand, it wasn't meaningless.

you're right, you're not a cheat. not anywhere near it.
we both said it, we don't regret it but we don't want a relationship.
not that I wouldn't enjoy that.
our souls just don't "gravitate" towards each other.
hahaha.
and silly as that sounds it's the best way to describe it.

i meant every word i spoke to you this week. and i know you can't lie.

thank you for the inspiration
thank you for the encouragement.
and thank you for the amazing sex.